My favorite class to teach is improv. My least favorite is criminal justice. Why do we even have that class?

For some reason, the audience didn't really buy me as a female steamboat captain. It must be the beard. Not a good look for a lady.

Teaching teenagers is like herding cats. Except the cats are over 5 feet tall, can talk, and own cell phones. Okay, that's a bad analogy.

I make my own toothpaste. It doesn't clean very well and it tastes like mud, but it's super cheap. Anyone wanna try some?

Do you think I could get a job as a foot model? I've always thought I had very interesting feet.

Did you know it takes 7 coconuts to make a full size glass of my homemade coconut juice? It's really quite an impressive drink.

Good thing I don't value money. Cuz I'm broke. Really broke.