Reasons for Being Late

 Okay, Sinjin wants to start a band and he's gonna name it Lactose Intolerable, which is pretty much the worst band name of all time. So, just to see if we could, we tried to come up with band names that are even worse. Here's what we got so far: 

	ToriVega Smelly Jelly
	RobbieShapiro Foot Sores
	BeckOliver Rodent Acne
	JadeWest Nursing Home Riot
	RexPowers The English Dental Society
	CatValentine Dandruff Flakes
	LaneAlexander Lotion Motion
	AndreHarris The Oatmeal Chunks

 You don't want your new puppy to be teased by all of his dog friends right? Then don't name it any of these stupid dog names. If you do, it may get revenge on you by licking your face… after it drinks out of the toilet bowl. We warned you...

	ToriVega Arthur J. Woolfington III
	JadeWest Fleabag
	RexPowers Rex. It's insulting.
	CatValentine Lunch
	Sikowitz Foamy
	BeckOliver Gimpy
	AndreHarris Lord Beefworth
	TrinaVega Worthless

 It's time to replace last names with pasta. Why? Why do we ever do anything? Cuz we're bored and it's fun!

	BeckOliver Cat Fusilli
	SinjinVanCleef Tori Ravioli
	AndreHarris Beck Tortellini
	CatValentine Jade Angel Hair
	Sikowitz Trina Gnocchi
	TrinaVega Gnocchi doesn't nearly sound pretty enough! I want to be Trina Angel Hair.
	RexPowers Robbi Spaghetti
	RobbieShapiro Rex Vermicelli

	TrinaVega Once Tori got stuck in the bathroom for three days. She lived off a balanced diet of soap and toenails until we found her.
	JadeWest Tori once said she wish she looked like me. Only I heard it.
	BeckOliver Tori used to be a British soldier in her past life, which is why her British accent is so spot on.
	SinjinVanCleef In Hebrew, the name "Tori" means "a girl who can sing and dance, but sometimes dates jerks."
	CatValentine Tori can absolutely read minds. That's the only explanation for her knowing that I was hungry.
	AndreHarris When Tori drinks caffeinated beverages, she has a tendency to yell at carrots.
	Sikowitz One time Tori gave me two dollars because she thought I was homeless. Darn, that was true. I am not good at this game.
	RobbieShapiro Tori hates salami because one time at camp, someone filled her bed with 1,000 slices of it. Wait, that actually happened to me.

	TrinaVega Finding out the dude tried to ask out Tori first. There would obviously be something wrong with his brain.
	RexPowers Just got pink eye. Sorry, lady.
	AndreHarris Finding out her last name is VanCleef. It's not like it's a common last name so she's gotta be Sinjin's relative.
	RobbieShapiro If I found out that my date was puppet-phobic. Sorry, I don't date prejudiced people.
	CatValentine If you had a date on a farm I guess, and there was a bunch of hay just lying around. Oh wait, I think I misunderstood the question.
	BeckOliver Constant gum chewing… especially if it's DURING dinner. Gross.
	ToriVega We show up to a fancy restaurant and he says "You're paying for both of us, right?"
	SinjinVanCleef There are literally no reasons I would ever bail on a date. You hear that ladies?

 Next time you're late for school or work, you can borrow one of our excuses. But, ya gotta give them back 'cuz we're probably gonna need to use them again! 

	LaneAlexander My hands were so lotion-y. I couldn't open my front door.
	CatValentine My brother ate my homework.
	AndreHarris My Grandma freaked out and threw my car keys out the window because they looked like "alien weaponry."
	RobbieShapiro Rex hid all my underpants and I'm not going to school underpants-less!
	RexPowers Stuck in line at the DMV, apparently I don't meet the height requirements to get my own driver's license.
	SinjinVanCleef There was an awesome piece of chewing gum stuck to the sidewalk and it took forever to pry it loose.
	JadeWest The sun was especially bright this morning. Had to wait for the clouds to roll in so I could drive in the shade.
	TrinaVega The school parking lot was full today so I had to park in the sketchy parking lot across the street. You try walking across Sunset Blvd in 7" heels.